Field Notes, #30, March
some field notes in scans, bits of poems, current states of affairs.
... can you hear me ... testing... ... the dream i keep having is all about long pubes, conditioning them, making them supple, and knowing that the general public has no idea no idea at all I go to work and go home to sit by candles and work on the conditioning of my long pubic hair as some sort of spiritual practice, indicative of my connection to the dead, dying, and god, i tell my roommate about the dream and she asks me to respect her boundries/ … my grandpa’s brother used to say Let me be frank for a moment and then he’d just stand there his name was frank so it was a killer joke his only and best when he died he didn’t say anything at least that’s what i heard. he wasn’t that fun or kind and he never even made that joke i just said that to add character all he did that i remember was call my grandpa everyday to talk about other people and the phone rings much less now so that’s one of the main symptoms im just calculating some losses I heard a couple talking and one of them said i wish i was just a horse they don’t have to worry and the other one of them said you you would probably be a depressing horse CAN YOU LOVE FOR NOTHING? Can you love for nothing in return?
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the following are scraps from The Current State Of Affairs and other things.
in my dream i got my shirt signed by linkin park but when i handed it to them it was a tool shirt and the guy was like oh it’s a tool shirt... 6 minutes after waking up i can learn a bridge in baltimore collapsed and even see what it looked like and then see a video of a rare bird My grandma told me everyone is dissapointed in her because she quit smoking cigarettes for a month and then started again dear grandma i am not dissapointed in you, sorry if people made you feel bad i think you felt bad enough times already. i asked the little girl at work, did you have any interesting dreams ? she said, not yet , but not with any wistfulness of waiting the way you are i may have said it she just meant it, notyetshrugwhatever i cleaned the toliet seat at the bar with soap and water for you, my friend told me that she pissed on the seat, she said that's the difference between me and you I guess so.
i asked my roomates to give me 3 words and i wrote this at work in between things.
Hi. thank you for joining me here at the email space, I appreciate it, even if you don't enjoy it. I have been thinking about the idea of THE DIARY. The diary is famous in the world of children. They are secret, they come with tiny locks, or special vocal analyzers promising that they will only unlock to your voice. pizza... I used to whisper to it in the dark, and it would fold open to me, spreading wide with an abrupt and loud theme song. They have them at book fairs, and in goodie bags, all over the world of children. The introduction of the diary is almost a recognition of the child's interior, it says to them... you might have something to say, that you don't want anyone else to know... but at the same time it isn't expected that there is very much in the diary of a child, at least until they get to some certain age where things become more serious to others. I think I will write about this much more for April's offical email. are you in the PATH OF TOTALITY? china rain Here is what is in the air death , sand, waiting, very calm things, love but nothing super sinister, maybe something sinsiter, car trouble, dissonance, rain, tricks about running out of time but you are not really unless maybe you are. homework: go to a library and maybe watch this video of these old women catching sea snakes I really liked it, here